20250405-Today I start to prepare for the journey to Almere on 9th of April, where I will join in a 10 days Vipassana retreat. I am going to note down my expectations and experiences of this event. So expectations before I go; experience right after the retreat; and experience half a year after the retreat.
Expectations
Now I can start with expectations. Before this retreat I have already exposed myself to ideas like: thought is just another form of sense; attachment is the source of suffering; We receive all sensor data, but we don’t have to react to any of them; The self-awareness can act as an external observer to all the human senses, and make its own decision. I also had one meditation experience in a monastery in Amsterdam, and tried to enter into a state of observer with this guided meditation. However, I never find it useful to spend half an hour or one hour a day doing nothing. I mean meditation is basically doing nothing. I also never understand the nothingness in meditation. In my idea, everyone do anything with a purpose. The mindful state that a meditator enter into after sitting for a long time is a wonderful state to be, but difficult to maintain. I feel there is a gap between the meditation and real life. With the goals in my mind, I mean the gap between where I am and where I want to be so large, I feel I don’t have time to waste in doing nothing. However, I am not making good use of my time either, even without meditation. I am controlled by impulses, I am controlled by my anger, I am distracted by my ideas. So I wasted a lot of my time or life in things I regretted the investment. My largest expectation of this retreat is to gain a first experience of gaining full control of myself. To see that it is possible for me to not get driven by impulses, by my emotions, and by ideas appears to be good intentional and helpful. I believe once I experienced personally that self-control is possible, it will become less difficult to realize it in my future. Believe is the key.
On the practical side, I am already a little scared of the event now with the email I received a day ago:
Thank you for your application for the Vipassana Meditation Course to be held at Dhamma Taḷāka from 09 April 2025 to 20 April 2025. Please read additional information.
Bedding
You are kindly requested to bring along your own bedding (bed sheet, duvet cover, pillowcase) and your own towel.
Ticks
We would like to inform you that there is a risk of tick bites at the Vipassana Meditation Centre. Most tick bites are harmless, but some ticks can carry and spread any of a number of diseases, most notably Lyme disease. If you remove the tick within 26-48 hours, Lyme infection is unlikely.
You can prevent tick bites by wearing closed shoes and keeping your trousers stuffed into your socks. Cover up your legs and arms. Avoid sitting on the grass. If you wish, you can bring repellent to the course. During your stay at the centre you should examine your body regularly whenever you have been out of doors. If you are bitten by a tick, do not remove the tick yourself. Instead, inform the management immediately and we will take the right follow-up actions.
Bedbugs
Bedbugs are a growing problem all over the world. We do our utmost to prevent an infestation of these pests in our Vipassana centre. Please help us by adhering to the following:
- do not bring your sleeping bag to the centre;
- if you have been in a hotel, hostel or B&B in the past six months, please check your bag, suitcase or backpack for bedbugs.
If you have any doubt that items in your luggage are completely free of bedbugs, please do not bring them to the centre.
First of all, I don’t want to get Lyme disease, but I guess they are only trying to make you aware of the risk. So I won’t walk on the grass there, and I will keep my trousers stuck in my long socks. Then the sleep bag thing, actually I was going to just take my sleep bag, instead of bring every beddings asked. Until this email, I didn’t know that is not allowed. Anyway, time to prepare for the journey.
Oh, a note on my health condition here as well, I am almost recovered from a virus infection that made me feel hot then cold periodically, and coughing. The coughing is not gone yet, I hope by 9th April, it should be gone, if not, hope the manager there can say that what bothers them is not your cough, but their mind. :>
20250407- An update: My heath is luckily almost recovered. The items to be packed is more than I imagined, I planned to use a carry-on baggage to pack everything, but it seems that the suitcase will be very full. Here is a detailed list of what to bring, I think better than the list they sent through email:
https://talaka.dhamma.org/en/courses-for-new-students/what-to-bring/
20250409- Now one hour left before start my journey. Still need to pack in everything. I took my daughter to the doctor on 08:45, very lucky that they have such an early slot, that I don’t need to ask for my wife’s help. See you, my blog, at the other end of the journey!
Hesitations
20250407- As a father, to go to this event means putting all the labor of taking care of my daughter to my wife alone for more than 10 days. I understand this is a big sacrifice for her. But my excuse is if our relationship broke because of my mind is not tuned well, she may need to take care of my daughter alone for her whole life. 10 days, in comparison, is very short. Of course, to let my 4 year old daughter live 10 days without a father is also cruel, but I was living with grandparents, or only Mom very often when my dad need to do remote work. I don’t believe this is a big issue for kids.
20250408- Here comes an another event that want to block my path. My daughter crashed her small finger in between a door and the doorframe. Tomorrow, I am suppose to take her to the doctor to treat the wound for the second time, but the doctor has no slot earlier than 15:00. That will make me too late for the course tonight at Almere. Luckily, my wife is not against the idea that if I can’t find an earlier slot tomorrow morning, I make an appointment for Friday so that she can go with her. This is another moment where I thought maybe God doesn’t want me to go?
Experience
I don’t have time to write about the experience in the retreat. Maybe I will make a series of post about that in the future because I learnt so much interesting things in the retreat. For now, let me record my direct experience after the retreat. The real effect of the retreat comes after the retreat, after I return the real world.
Just finished an one hour seating. This is the third meditation I did it out of the retreat. I didn’t do any meditation on the first two days and on evenings. My experience are that the pain on the back and legs are totally gone, but I also don’t get large area subtle sensations anymore like I had at the end of the retreat. Have to admit this makes me crave for the subtle sensations or in other words progress. I also feel I’m more distracted by my thinking than in the mediation center.
Outside, Most people are surprised that I spend 10 days holiday to live a monk’s life. My wife was not exhausted by having to take care of my daughter alone, and was happy that I come back, and tell me she feels I looks younger after the retreat. I feel I have less tendency to criticize when I disagree on something with others. When I see my 4 year old daughter didn’t check the road on her right side when biking, I shouted to her, but I guess some aversion is needed. Overall, I don’t see dramatic changes in my life after the retreat, but replacing one hour sleep with one hour relaxing meditation is not a bad idea, I don’t feel sleepy in the day because of it. These are my experience by far.
Oh, I have some strange conditions on my hand for more than 10 years. Always grow some blisters here and there, then they become itching, then I tend to scratch them open to release the itching, then they spread to somewhere else on my hands. I tried many medicine, nothing works fully to remove them. In these 10 days, I almost never scratched them, now the scars are almost gone, and I don’t see new blisters. I have to say I was in such a condition many times across the years then new blisters start to grow. Hope this time, by medicine and no scratching, I can totally get rid of the disease. That itself would be a miracle for me thanks to the Vipassana meditation.