Yes, today, from 11:30 to 12:00, I took the driving exam for the 5th time, and failed it again. This time the main reason are: at the 60km/h road, I didn’t look at the right side, there is a small road there, and that is an equal junction. Then at a roundabout, I didn’t let an lady go first that was on my left side and we almost at the same time entered the roundabout.
So how does it feel to fail the driving exam 5 times? To be honest, I am not as sad or as angry as last time. This time I have to recognize that the mistakes I made can be deadly, and the examiner has its every right to fail me once more. I am not here to complaining about the examiner, or fortune. I am here to honest analysis the situation and hopefully figuring out a way out of this depressing loop. In doing so, I can realease myself from the negative emtion and go for a new exam, at the same time help the minority of us that are suffering like I do.
In every exam, I made mistakes that could be dangerous to myself or others, that is why they fail me. I am here to admit that I am the type of person that will surely suffer to get my driving licence, despite the great effort. Does such a type of person even exist? Does everyone suppose tobe able to learn to drive? A car is just a tool anyway, like a bike. Well, I am a living example against this point. I am very bad at motion under stress. Taking in all the road signs, dealing with new road conditions, and always making the right decisions and actions are difficult for me. I have no problem understanding difficult concepts intellectually, otherwise, I won’t receive my PhD degree in applied physics. However, with so many hours of driving lessons spent and paid, I am still very nervous at the exam. Even in last driving exam, I was driving and don’t know the speed limit of the road I am driving because I didn’t see the speed limit sign. I am so poor at diversify my attention in between the road condition in front, the signs beside the road, the small side roads, and instructions of the examiner. When I am not able to taking in all the information, I enter into panic mode, my body tend to freeze as much as it can, and I form tunnel vision, I miss things that I know I shouldn’t miss. That basically summarized my experience with all of my five driving exams. Some people are born with a defect body, unfortunately I am one of them. To admit this fact instead of hiding it is the first positive step I take in this post, I think.
I am not giving up yet, I still believe, one day I will be able to get the driving licence, and drive safely for whole life. So what else can I do? Sadly, there is not shortcut, especially for my type. The only way out is practice more, to the extend that no situation on the road is foreign to me, to the extend that carefully checking all the risks are the default mode, until all the modes of gear switching, brake, and acceleration are matched to all the frequent scenarios on the road. Then my brain is not busy with processing all the regular informations when I am driving, and it have more space to deal with the unexpected. When I reach that level, I can start from any point in Netherlands, and start driving to the destination by only instructions from someone else or GPS.
If I do this type of practise physically, I need to pay a lot more money to my instructor, and also spend a lot of time practising on the road. So this time I will insist with visualization. Every day, before going to sleep, I will visualize those scenarios in my brain, and visualize my correct reactions, until my next exam. I will visualize the 5 special manuveors, equal junction, roundabout, highway, road signs, etc, and my response to those. Then when the scenarios happen in next real exam, my brain was there many times before. I will use physical practice to verify the effect of my visualization.
I will keep updating this post. One day, I will get my licence, and drive safely forever after then. Maybe this day is not next exam, but f&&k it, f&&k the 300 euro exam fee, f&&k the 55 euro per hour instruction fee, I will win the war.
20250219- Yesterday night, I tried to visualize the driving scenarios on bed, but I think I fall asleep shortly after I started. From today, I will set two alarms on my smart watch. 22:15 start visualization, 22:30 stop visualization and sleep. This time I will just seat and visulize.
20250220- Today I got a bad news from my driving instructor, next earlist exam is in June. Another 4 months to wait and forget the feeling of driving. On the flip side, 4 months to test if visualization really works.